It's your Fence
The Boundary line
Where do you end?
And where does the other person begin?
How does it feel when someone violates your personal space. Intentional or unintentional, it can feel the same. It feels disrespectful, a dishonor, a invalidation. No one wants to feel this way.
How many times have you wanted to say something, but your afraid of someone reacting to you in some way so you end up saying nothing. Do you feel a tightening in your throat? Its a sure sign, you didn't develop your own personal voice as a young person.
Imagine this......... Your building a good old fashioned fence and the tools you need are a hammer, posts and wire. Interestingly enough, there are unique purposes for each of these tools.
Let me explain... The post represent "what your personal limits are". This could be something as simple as 'Giving yourself permission to say NO' when you want and need to say no.
The Hammer represents the practice of doing the ACTION part of saying NO! "No thankyou, I don't wish to do that................."
In the beginning, when hammering in the post, depending on the soil, the post may take a bit to get into the ground. With persistence, the post will go in after some hammering.
The wire represents the boundary line. This is the part where after the prep work is done, the wire keeps the everything where it needs to be in. "I feel good that I can maintain my peace by letting things that I want and keeping things out that don't serve me well."
Can you see the picture relating to your own personal space?
The good news is, that it gets easier with practice.
If you have never had boundaries, it is very difficult to respect other people's boundaries, and self respect is a definite need for have personal boundaries.
The art of this particular self care tool, is the knowing what your values are, and then creating some healthy boundaries around them.